Soulmates: Here is what I know to be true.

-

Soul mates are the people you learn the most from. Mine have taught me the most valuable lessons and helped me grow as a person. They taught me to be less sensitive, less controlling, set boundaries, say no, to put my needs first, be more accepting of people and their faults, and more.

The three women who taught me this are Lisa, Shari and Jaime, who are pictured here. Lisa and Shari are my two best friends from childhood. We met when we were 10 years old and have been in each other’s lives for over 40 years. Then I met Jaime 10 years ago. To call them friends would be an understatement, they are my family - my soul connections.

Throughout the years we experienced many trials and tribulations in our own lives, ranging from births, deaths, illness, accomplishments and disappointments. Through it all, we have stayed close - forever growing and changing. We never have to worry about anything when we are together… we are able to be our most authentic selves.

What is the secret to having these connections? Here is what I know to be true.

- These connections have to be treated with importance – they need to be a priority; given focus and time.
- You must maintain shared experiences. You have to ritualize them, so when life gets crazy and complex as it often does, these connections stay strong.
- You have to make what’s important in their lives important to you – and show up.
- You need to be there in the good times and bad. You don’t know what life is going to throw at you – you need to cheer lead and support when the most amazing things are happening as well as the worst.
- You have to be willing to put the work in… friendships that are close need authenticity, and sometimes some help to keep things going strong. You have to be able to say when you are hurt and always know what the expectations are of one another.

It is never too late to find a soul connection with a friend… when it fits, it fits and then it begins.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How Do You Know it is Time for Therapy?

-
Image
Living in New York City, it seems that everyone has a shrink presently, or met with someone at some point in their lives. But there are so many who do not, and who would benefit from it so much.   They have seemingly legitimate excuses to not start: they do not want to spend the money; they do not have time; they work too much; their problems are high class or first world; they can speak to their friends; they can speak to their mother. This may reveal what is happening unconsciously for a person: they do not feel deserving of help; it feels indulgent; they are afraid of what therapy might reveal; they cannot deal with what happened when they were young. For people in their 20’s, there is the barrier of youth and time.  At this age, you rationalize that it will all just turn around. It is extremely hard to differentiate what is a real issue versus what is growing pains.  The transition from college to work, break ups to dating and finding new love, figuring ou...
Read more

Dating in the Age of the Apps

-
Image
For those of us a bit older, remember what it was like when you did not meet someone organically? First it was the personal ads in the back of New York Magazine, and then it was match.com. Now it is as easy but really as hard as a swipe to the left or right based on a photo. There are two experiences I hear about all of the time. The first is that a person cannot seem to get a date. Either they are not matching with people or never get passed the initial texting phase. For others, they get a million dates but it is so hard to find someone that you feel a connection with. This makes app dating another forum for rejection, frustration, competition, disappointment, anxiety and depression. What else comes with app dating? The pressure from outside influences, typically your loved ones, who look at it and believe its so easy to date. Just swipe and magic! So-and-so met on an app, so it must be simple! The ease of it is deceiving. When anyone finds it hard, they look to o...
Read more

Life is Short, Let’s Make it Count

-
Image
We may hear, “Life is short, pay attention to what’s important” all of the time, but do we listen? In my work on myself and when working with my clients, I am always asking the question: are we living our life in the best way or are we living to avoid fear? Is this why we stay in relationships too long, work too much and let the small stuff get us down? We must ask ourselves: Are we making enough time to connect to the people we love the most? There is nothing more important than the people we cherish. It tops money and all materials. The most joyful people are those that have close connections. Should we be letting go of people who do not make us feel good? They do not have to be toxic people in our lives, but focusing on them means we are spending less time on people that bring us joy. Are we enjoying our lives enough? Joy for each of us is different. Some people find joy in their work and if you are one of them, you are so fortunate for getting to do something you love for so ma...
Read more